Drive On

We had a very successful drive at Chua An Lac. Got 92 people to register. Our count is now up to 2198 people registered through Project Michelle drives. Thank you very much to everyone who came to the Vietnamese temple to sign up. Special thanks to my supermom, Co Hang, Cali Today, radio station 1120 and everyone else who helped publicize the drive. I was hoping to get at least 20 people, so 92 was a pleasant surprise.

This has been a very tough week. Co Tam's funeral and the news about other leukemia fighters not doing so well saddens and frustrates me. However, today's drive cheered me up a bit. I could tell that everyone who came to the drive really wanted to help. There was no struggle to get their contact information and they waited patiently to receive their swab test kits. I was touched when parents even brought their teenage children to the drive to get them registered (unfortunately you have to be 18). I wish more drives were like the one today.

We are trying to take control of this dire situation and the response today was amazing. People are taking action and doing their part to help save someone's life. I am so proud to be a part of this initiative.

Do you think you are invincible?

My good friend asked me this question last week. I immediately responded "no" but the question struck a chord inside of me and I've been thinking about it for the past couple of days.

Who doesn't believe that he/she is invincible? I don't mean that we all think that we are superhuman, but doesn't everyone (except for hypochondriacs) have that, "it's never going to happen to me" mentality? We snowboard without helmets, buy the cheapest medical insurance with the least amount of coverage and drive above the speed limit because our optimistic nature makes us believe that life is going to deal us a decent hand.

Well, it did happen to me and suprisingly, I still feel like it's not going to happen to me (again). I know that I have a 50% chance that I'm going to relapse, but surprisingly it hasn't paralyzed me. Am I just being naive and foolish??

Being Michelle Maykin

A nice Vietnamese gentleman from Ottawa, Canada contacted Project Michelle and has been helping with bone marrow drives in our neighbor up north. Periodically, he emails me greeting cards and messages to cheer me up. A few months ago he asked me to write about my feelings. I honestly didn't know what to say, but I want to take a stab at it now.

Thank you very much Chu Sam for always keeping me in your thoughts.

Love,
Michelle

Hi Michelle: If you can and care to share, how about some of your thoughts on: 1. What it is to you and for you to get leukemia 2. What's really going on in your mind, besides things you do with friends and others (forgive me if this may sound intrusive. I just know that one cannot run away from certain realities...) 3. Family and friends (+ strangers): what and how the situation affects them 4. What's your fondest desire 5. What would you do, if you can do something to help another victim, being a victim yourself
This may just be simple entries in your diary. But they may be quite powerful in sensitizing the issue and getting people to help... coming from you.
If you think this is not a bad idea, then give it some thoughts...
Take care and have a pleasant weekend.
Sam

When it rains it pours...

Sometimes it feels like Leukemia is some kind of bug that is going around. I swear during my first week in the hospital it felt like everytime I turned on the tv I would see a new story about a young girl relapsing, a recent college grad in a clinical trial, or a father of 2 looking for a donor. I know my ears are hyper sensitive to the L-word, but I just wonder how come so many young people are being diagnosed with this disease that is mainly suppose to infect the elderly.

Through this website I have been contacted by 2 families that are also looking for bone marrow donors. Unfortunately, both patients have relapsed after just a few rounds of chemotherapy. Their doctors are trying to use very potent chemo to get them back into remission, but only a bone marrow transplant will cure them. It makes me very happy that I can help them directly by providing them with the information that I have learned along the way during my own treatment.

Maykin Lifestyle Changes for 2008

Here's to a great 2008!!! I got a new hairdo, new puppy, new navigation system (no more getting lost to bone marrow drives - thx mom & bro) and new stem cells (not from a transplant, just made from my own body). What more could a girl ask for?

There's nothing else that I want, but there are a few things that I'd like to work on personally. I know there are many cancer survivors out there that do complete transformations (for the better) after their treatment is over. Some go on hardcore vegan wheat grass diets and do triathalons while others become more spiritual and give up smoking and swearing. I totally admire people like that because it shows passion, determination, dedication, motivation, etc. Most importantly, it shows that some good can come out of this evil cancer thing. My doctor says a lot of patients are very grateful that they got cancer because it changed their lives. To be honest, I'm on the fence about this for myself.

As for me, I still struggle with the same issues and demons that I had before getting sick. Now that my daily treatment is over and I'm leading a more "normal" life, I realize I am picking up exactly where I left off. I still procrastinate. I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I still get moody and catty. I am still frugal and competitive. I still eat ice cream. I still forget to drink my green tea (and other foods rich in antioxidants). And I still forget to wash my face most nights. I'm the same. No better, no worse.

I'm okay with this because I liked who I was before all of this craziness began. I wasn't perfect, but I don't think I was that bad either. The only difference is now (based on real life experience) I know that I can handle some real tough sh*t and I am not a whimp. With that said, I say bring it on 2008!

I am going to approach the new year with the same mindset I have every year... a focus on being a better person.

Yesterday my best friend Mabel said she thought the word "resolution" sounded fickle and temporary. I completely agree. Plus I've never been successful with my new year's resolutions. Perhaps calling them something else will make me more committed. Mabel suggested that we call them "lifestyle changes" instead. Here are mine in no particular order. I figure posting them on projectmichelle will make me feel obligated to try to stick to them.

1. Stress less - Don't worry so much about every little detail.
2. Stop being a control freak - Let go. Ask others for help. Let things happen naturally.
3. Don't beat yourself up - Stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on the positives and remind yourself that you are not a loser.
4. Take a break - Spend at least 15 minutes just breathing.
5. Don't let people get to you - They are not me and I am not them. Put yourself in their shoes - if you still don't understand, just walk away. Also refer to #2 above and accept and love them for who they are.
6. Eat more vegetables and exercise more (once I get my catheter out).
7. Try to be more punctual. Allot more time to getting ready so that you aren't rushing at the last minute.
8. Show (don't just tell) the people you care about that you are appreciate them.
9. Live in the present moment. *This must be done conjunction with #1.

Neupogen

I hated the sight of needles growing up. I would always turn my head away as the sharp metal went under my skin for a vaccine shot. Even as a 24 year old, Nurses would have to remind me to exhale as I would unknowingly hold my breath during a routine blood draw. About 2 years ago, there was an incident at an injection clinic when I almost fainted. The room got very dark and my ears were ringing. I had to lie down and drink some water for a few minutes. I wouldn't say that I was deathly afraid of needles, but there was just something unnerving about the whole process that would cause an elevated beat in my heart, cold sweat to form in my palms and my mouth to dry up like I had just swallowed a spoonful of sand.

(Side note: I totally understand why people who are afraid of needles refuse to register to become donors. I never said it was easy to become a donor. It is a huge sacrifice and a very serious commitment. However, if you could overcome your fear of needles, YOU COULD SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE....)

Never did I imagine that I would one day have to give myself daily needle injections.

This entry is about how I give myself shots to boost my white blood cell count. It's been about 2 months since my last shot of Neupogen (10/30/07) so I want to write down my notes in case I ever need to give myself one again. It's pretty amazing how fast I forget things these days. I'm just writing this down for myself. Maybe it will help some other patient who wants a refresher from the training he/she received in the hospital, but please note, I am not an expert. This is what I learned during my training session and I would recommend using the instructions your doctor gave you. I was considering taking pictures of me giving myself a shot, but I didn't want to gross people out.

How Michelle shoots up -
1. Get all of your supplies ready. I take my vial of Neupogen out of the fridge for about 15 minutes before my shot because I heard it can sting when the medicine is cold. Open up about 3 packets of alcohol pads for cleaning. Also open the package that the syringe is in. Lay the syringe on the package until you are ready to use it.

2. Give those hands a good scrub with antibacterial soap. When you are done try not to let the water run down your fingers. Stick your hands upward so the water runs down your arms. Dry with paper towels NOT cloth towels because the cloth might carry bacteria.

3. Remove the cap of the Neupogen vial and use an alcohol pad to rub the rubber top. Rub for about 30 seconds.

4. Take the syringe, with the cap on, and make sure that the needle is secured tightly on top. The needle I use is a twist-off so make sure it's on tight by twisting the top part with the cap on clockwise.

5. Remove the cap on the syringe. Draw the syringe plunger back to fill it with air equivalent to the same amount of neupogen you will be administering. I get 2mls per shot.

6. Pierce the rubber top of the vial at a 90 degree angle with the needle. It's okay if the needle doesn't go in perfectly straight. Just don't bend the needle.

7. Push the plunger so that the air in the syringe gets pushed into the vial. This will cause air pressure so that the medicine will easily flow into the syringe.

8. Turn the syringe upward (the vial will be upside down). Pull the plunger back so that you get 2mls of the neupogen. While you are filling the syringe make sure the needle is always submerged in the liquid to avoid air bubbles. To do this, you will have to slowly move the needle downward.

9. If you get air bubbles flick the side of the syringe with your fingers so the bubbles go to the top. Push the plunger to push the bubbles back into the vial. Continue the pushing and pulling until you get the right amount of the medication. You may not be able to get all of the air bubbles out, but try your best.

10. Pick an area about 2 inches away from your belly button. Clean your skin thoroughly with an alcohol pad.

11. With one hand, pinch your skin with your thumb and index finger. With the other hand, hold the syringe like a dart. Insert the needle into the skin at a 90 degree angle. Sometimes the needle may not go in at first, you may need to add a little force. After the initial puncture it should slide in easily. Only push it until the needle is completely inserted into your skin. Don't push it too hard.

12. Let go of the pinched skin and then slowly push the plunger inwards until all of the medicine goes in. I've noticed that doing this slowly reduces the amount of bruising. (At this point, remind yourself to breath!)

13. Pull the needle straight out of your skin. Do not put the cap back on (so that people know it's been used). Disposed the open needle in a coffee can or yogurt container.

14. If the area is bleeding, gently wipe with an alcohol pad.

Seems like a lot of steps, but it becomes quite routine after the first couple of times. It takes me only 2 minutes to perform the whole process now. I still have to get myself mentally fired up everytime I give myself a shot, but it's a piece of cake.

Tami Le

I wish there was a switch. A switch that you could flip at the end of your life when you are ready to go. A switch that ends all of the pain and suffering. A switch that stops the destruction the cancer is doing to your once healthy, strong and beautiful body.

On December 29th, 2007, my boyfriend's dear aunt, Tami Le, passed away at the young age of 57.

Co Tam was diagnosed with breast cancer 10 years ago. She persevered through a tough treatment plan and even had to undergo high dose chemo and an autologous stem cell transplant (a once-popular combination therapy that fell out of favor as a treatment for breast cancer). Co Tam successfully kicked cancer in the ass and enjoyed the next 10 years with her daughter Michele, her two adorable dogs (Rocky & Rolly) and countless friends and family.

Unfortunately, the cancer slowly creeped back in and a few months ago she was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer as it had spread to her lungs and intestines. Over the last couple of months her health quickly deteriorated. The space around her lungs filled up with fluid making it very difficult to take in a full breath. What was once the most natural and automatic process of the body, became the most exhausting and frustrating struggle. Her energy was completely used up on the strenuous exercise of breathing which made it difficult to do all the things she loved most (dancing, singing, playing with her dogs, etc). Nevertheless, she remained hopeful and would never turn down our requests to visit her.

My boyfriend Van and I spent the day before she passed at her bedside with all of her many loved ones. We sat there in silence and watched her. Though you couldn't read her closed eyes and she was much too weak to even whisper a single word, we could sense the enormous amount of discomfort she was in by observing those frowning brows across her beautiful skin. We wanted the pain to end and were telling her that it was okay to let go. We thought she was going leave us that afternoon, but being the fighter that she was, she clung on until 11:03pm the next day to spend just a little more time with her loved ones. It was heartbreaking to see her go, but I feel relieved that she is no longer suffering.

This past year I felt extremely connected to Co Tam because she was one of the few people that really understood what it is like to be in my shoes as a cancer patient. She was extremely supportive and shared her own experience with me so that I could become a smarter and stronger patient. I always admired her for her determination and perseverence and I will continue to look to her as an inspiration to never ever give up.