Anthony has left us

Anthony was a very sweet 24 year old. He was a wonderful son (mom said he never ever caused her any grief whatsoever) and a caring older brother. He met the love of his life, Carol An, just a month before he was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia in June. With his family and girlfriend by his side, Anthony went into his chemo treatment with courage, bravery and hope.

He had a great voice and loved to sing. Unfortunately, by the time I met Anthony he was too weak to sing a song. (I first met him after Carol An found my website and sent an email to me in November.) Whenever he was awake in his hospital room he would put on a cheerful face and his eyes would twinkle. He would joke with his girlfriend and tease his nurses. Anthony was even apologetic when he would wake up from a nap to discover visitors in his room - as if he should entertain his guests even in his dire state. He never showed any fear to me despite the fact that he was under an enormous amount of pain.

I can't believe Anthony is gone. He was diagnosed less than 8 months ago. There is no rhyme or reason why some people make it and others don't. This is a situation where that cliche old saying "Life isn't fair" comes to mind.

I am only comforted by the fact that he is no longer suffering. He was a good person through and through and his life was taken away from him much too soon.

She will exhale

A3M has chosen me to be the focus patient for their new "Be the One" campaign. Here are a few professional photos taken of Marshawn and me for their media. He's totally stealing my spotlight, but isn't he just the cutest puppy ever? I am such a proud parent. :P

I had my bone marrow biopsy on Wednesday. Thanks pops for letting me squeeze your hand until my fingers went numb. The biopsy was a little more painful than the other 3 times. I have strong bones which is a good thing for osteoporosis, but a challenge for biopsies because it's hard to get inside of the bone to extract the marrow. (Have no fear potential marrow donors, you will be given general anesthesia when you donate so you won't feel, hear or see a thing.) I'll post more about biopsies later.

This entry is actually to celebrate fantastic news. My doctor emailed me today and said "The flow was negative for malignant cells. Congratulations!" What this means is that the sample of marrow that they took from me tested negative for cancer cells. They put my sample under a special fluorescent light machine to identify the various cells and see if there are any cancer cells. There was not a single cancer cell in my marrow.

Next week a pathologist will examine my sample to run other tests to confirm that I am cancer-free. My oncologist says that he's very confident that those results will come back negative as well.

I am so darn happy. My friends and family are always saying, "Don't worry, we know the cancer is gone. You are fine." However, I felt like I was in a holding pattern until my biopsy results finally confirmed the good news. And now I feel soooo relieved. I feel like this big weight has been lifted from my chest and I can start moving on. Seriously, if it weren't raining so hard outside, I would do a jig in the middle of the street.

Right after I got my doctor's email. I scheduled a 10-day trip to Spain with my best friends for the end of February. I called my wonderful manager and Human Resources to confirm my return to work date (around March 10th). And I'm waiting for my doctor's response to figure out when I can get a surgeon to remove my groshong catheter. (Who wants to go rock climbing with me when I get this thing out???)

However, this doesn't change my determination to find a potential match for me and other patients. I know that I could relapse at any given minute and I am not going to take this 2nd chance for granted. I want to make a difference. I am determined to set up more successful drives and to reach out to communities we have not worked with in the past.

Thanks a million to all of your prayers and warm wishes. I couldn't have done it without all of your support. We did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A letter from a Volunteer

Elise (aka Hoang Cuc) came to the Chua An Lac drive to volunteer and help Chi Hang's search. Elise went to UCLA with Chi Hang's husband, Anh Tai. Co Elise was a breathe of fresh air. She was motivated, energetic, sweet, caring and friendly. She spent the entire day with us and was fantastic at walking people through the process and convincing them to register. Here is her summary of the event. Great letter...I couldn't have said it better myself.

Hi Friends, Phat duong dieu dat do tu bi Tuy la. khong quen van kiem tim Tram huong phong toa long nhan ai Goi ghem tu tam duom chut tinh.... It was a warm, beautiful day here in San Jose. The sun radiated such warmth and kindness from above. The smell of incense burning at the outside altar, from the temple's courtyard filled our hearts with love and hopes of life for Hang, Vinh, Michelle. Today's marrow drive (01/13/2008) for Hang, Vinh, Michelle was another successful event at Chua An Lac, San Jose. I arrived at the temple at about 11:00 am. Today, quite a crowd of people gathered at the temple just for the event, just to register to be tested as donors for Hang/Vinh/Michelle. We didn't have to chase after anyone to convince or twist their arms. I admit.. Yesterday, when I drove around the area looking for Chua An Lac, I was a bit worried since I noticed that the temple was situated in a residential area. Today, I was amazed at such a great turnout! We registered about 101, or 102 persons from 10:30 am to 3:00 pm, maybe the count was even higher. To be exact, will have to get the final number from Glenna/Jenny of AADP org. Toward the end, after we closed down everything, after cleared the tables, there were still people driving into the courtyard. Today's event could not have been a success without the help of many... many people, of Su Ba who blessed this drive at the temple, especially the dedication of chi Hoang Mong Thu who poured her heart out pledging for Hang/Vinh/Michelle on local VN radio, of the help from AADP, of Michelle & her friend, of the volunteers who showed up just to lend helping hands... It was great to see Michelle so pretty and cute, in her raven black short hair. After 5 rounds of chemo, Michelle is now well on her way toward wellness.

Today, I experienced many, many touching moments... A couple of caucasian women in the late 40's, 50's showed up to register, such hearts of gold they have! I asked one of the lady how did she hear of the marrow drive. She told me she found out from the internet and just came out to register. Few weeks ago, she even droved up to the Berkeley temple but got lost or somehow couldn't find it... There was one handicapped and blind Viet man who could barely walk on his own, he came just from hearing chi Mong Thu's pledge on radio. There were people who came to register because their loved ones passed away with Leukemia, or their family member is currently diagnosed with this disease and they are seeking for support. Today, I learned there are so many other Vietnamese people of similar plight but are afraid to reach out to the community for help. Tai, there was this Vietnamese man (anh Hung Vo) who came to register for test. He heard from Michelle that I know Hang and handed me a $100 bill, asked me to please send his money to Hang. This was what he said to me: "I only work as car-body shop repairman but I feel for their situation..." There was this elderly man who specifically asked to register for Hang only! There was this mother who took her 2 children along to register (alas... too bad her children were both under 18, she probably missed the information about the requirement for test).... etc ... All in all, I was so touched by the many hearts of gold I met at the marrow drive today.... Tai, Hang oi, please hang in there, please know that over here in San Jose, there are lot...lot...lots of people who are touched, who feel the pain and suffering that you both are experiencing! These were some of their sincere words: "Minh khong biet giup duoc gi, nhung thay tinh canh co ta ma thay thuong qua!" It is even more heart-felt when the words come from the people who barely know this couple residing on the other side of the country. Tai, the people I met today conveyed to you both their well-wishing. Please send Hang their hope & love to fuel Hang with higher mental strength in her fight for cure. Thank You Michelle, cam on chi Mong Thu da tan tinh het suc giup do and everyone who participated at today's event. Definitely, Tai/Hang, our SoCal UCLA friends will appreciate all the help they received from the volunteers/testers/all who came out to today's marrow drive. Please accept my apology if I omit anyone... Cam on Su Ba, ong Ngo Sy Hung who came for support, Jenny Tran/Glenna from AADP org, Michelle and her friend who administered the cheeks cells test step, Vu - another volunteer I met there who showed up just from listening to chi. Hoang Mong Thu's pledge on radio, my friends Van, Lieu and all the registered testers. Please help forward this email to anyone I miss. You can view pix of today's marrow drive at: http://imageevent.com/mitonu/marrowdrivesj0113chuaanlac?z=3&l=0&c=3&n=1&m=16&w=4&x=0&p=31

P.S. Tai, please email me your home address so can forward you anh Hung Vo's monetary help. I did take his address. To help you with the load, I will send him a thank-you card on your behalf, don't worry. Will send you his details... P.P.S. To the Bay Area residents, Chi Mong Thu will inform when the next marrow drive will be. If you miss today's event, there is still time to help. Please come out to support at the next drive, scheduled to be at Lion's plaza, either 1 week before Vietnamese Tet.. or will let you know.... -Hoang Cuc

Drive On

We had a very successful drive at Chua An Lac. Got 92 people to register. Our count is now up to 2198 people registered through Project Michelle drives. Thank you very much to everyone who came to the Vietnamese temple to sign up. Special thanks to my supermom, Co Hang, Cali Today, radio station 1120 and everyone else who helped publicize the drive. I was hoping to get at least 20 people, so 92 was a pleasant surprise.

This has been a very tough week. Co Tam's funeral and the news about other leukemia fighters not doing so well saddens and frustrates me. However, today's drive cheered me up a bit. I could tell that everyone who came to the drive really wanted to help. There was no struggle to get their contact information and they waited patiently to receive their swab test kits. I was touched when parents even brought their teenage children to the drive to get them registered (unfortunately you have to be 18). I wish more drives were like the one today.

We are trying to take control of this dire situation and the response today was amazing. People are taking action and doing their part to help save someone's life. I am so proud to be a part of this initiative.

Do you think you are invincible?

My good friend asked me this question last week. I immediately responded "no" but the question struck a chord inside of me and I've been thinking about it for the past couple of days.

Who doesn't believe that he/she is invincible? I don't mean that we all think that we are superhuman, but doesn't everyone (except for hypochondriacs) have that, "it's never going to happen to me" mentality? We snowboard without helmets, buy the cheapest medical insurance with the least amount of coverage and drive above the speed limit because our optimistic nature makes us believe that life is going to deal us a decent hand.

Well, it did happen to me and suprisingly, I still feel like it's not going to happen to me (again). I know that I have a 50% chance that I'm going to relapse, but surprisingly it hasn't paralyzed me. Am I just being naive and foolish??

Being Michelle Maykin

A nice Vietnamese gentleman from Ottawa, Canada contacted Project Michelle and has been helping with bone marrow drives in our neighbor up north. Periodically, he emails me greeting cards and messages to cheer me up. A few months ago he asked me to write about my feelings. I honestly didn't know what to say, but I want to take a stab at it now.

Thank you very much Chu Sam for always keeping me in your thoughts.

Love,
Michelle

Hi Michelle: If you can and care to share, how about some of your thoughts on: 1. What it is to you and for you to get leukemia 2. What's really going on in your mind, besides things you do with friends and others (forgive me if this may sound intrusive. I just know that one cannot run away from certain realities...) 3. Family and friends (+ strangers): what and how the situation affects them 4. What's your fondest desire 5. What would you do, if you can do something to help another victim, being a victim yourself
This may just be simple entries in your diary. But they may be quite powerful in sensitizing the issue and getting people to help... coming from you.
If you think this is not a bad idea, then give it some thoughts...
Take care and have a pleasant weekend.
Sam

When it rains it pours...

Sometimes it feels like Leukemia is some kind of bug that is going around. I swear during my first week in the hospital it felt like everytime I turned on the tv I would see a new story about a young girl relapsing, a recent college grad in a clinical trial, or a father of 2 looking for a donor. I know my ears are hyper sensitive to the L-word, but I just wonder how come so many young people are being diagnosed with this disease that is mainly suppose to infect the elderly.

Through this website I have been contacted by 2 families that are also looking for bone marrow donors. Unfortunately, both patients have relapsed after just a few rounds of chemotherapy. Their doctors are trying to use very potent chemo to get them back into remission, but only a bone marrow transplant will cure them. It makes me very happy that I can help them directly by providing them with the information that I have learned along the way during my own treatment.

Maykin Lifestyle Changes for 2008

Here's to a great 2008!!! I got a new hairdo, new puppy, new navigation system (no more getting lost to bone marrow drives - thx mom & bro) and new stem cells (not from a transplant, just made from my own body). What more could a girl ask for?

There's nothing else that I want, but there are a few things that I'd like to work on personally. I know there are many cancer survivors out there that do complete transformations (for the better) after their treatment is over. Some go on hardcore vegan wheat grass diets and do triathalons while others become more spiritual and give up smoking and swearing. I totally admire people like that because it shows passion, determination, dedication, motivation, etc. Most importantly, it shows that some good can come out of this evil cancer thing. My doctor says a lot of patients are very grateful that they got cancer because it changed their lives. To be honest, I'm on the fence about this for myself.

As for me, I still struggle with the same issues and demons that I had before getting sick. Now that my daily treatment is over and I'm leading a more "normal" life, I realize I am picking up exactly where I left off. I still procrastinate. I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I still get moody and catty. I am still frugal and competitive. I still eat ice cream. I still forget to drink my green tea (and other foods rich in antioxidants). And I still forget to wash my face most nights. I'm the same. No better, no worse.

I'm okay with this because I liked who I was before all of this craziness began. I wasn't perfect, but I don't think I was that bad either. The only difference is now (based on real life experience) I know that I can handle some real tough sh*t and I am not a whimp. With that said, I say bring it on 2008!

I am going to approach the new year with the same mindset I have every year... a focus on being a better person.

Yesterday my best friend Mabel said she thought the word "resolution" sounded fickle and temporary. I completely agree. Plus I've never been successful with my new year's resolutions. Perhaps calling them something else will make me more committed. Mabel suggested that we call them "lifestyle changes" instead. Here are mine in no particular order. I figure posting them on projectmichelle will make me feel obligated to try to stick to them.

1. Stress less - Don't worry so much about every little detail.
2. Stop being a control freak - Let go. Ask others for help. Let things happen naturally.
3. Don't beat yourself up - Stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on the positives and remind yourself that you are not a loser.
4. Take a break - Spend at least 15 minutes just breathing.
5. Don't let people get to you - They are not me and I am not them. Put yourself in their shoes - if you still don't understand, just walk away. Also refer to #2 above and accept and love them for who they are.
6. Eat more vegetables and exercise more (once I get my catheter out).
7. Try to be more punctual. Allot more time to getting ready so that you aren't rushing at the last minute.
8. Show (don't just tell) the people you care about that you are appreciate them.
9. Live in the present moment. *This must be done conjunction with #1.